It’s important to remember that coaching and mentoring are not magic wands that automatically creates success. The truth is that, to be effective, coaching and mentoring take effort, commitment, specific skills, attitudes, and structure from both the mentor and the mentee. Success happens when both parties take responsibility for making it work.

They have the values, beliefs and standards that resonate with you.

Qualities to look for in a coach and mentor:

• A desire to develop and help others – a good coach and mentor is genuinely interested in helping others so they can succeed as well. They believe in you even when you don’t.
• The ability and availability to commit real time and energy to the mentoring relationship. Good intentions aren’t enough—mentoring takes time!

• Training and learning – there are a lot of coaches and mentors out there without current and relevant industry or organisational knowledge, expertise and skills. The best coaches and mentors have deep knowledge in an area that the mentee wishes to develop from thinking strategies, business growth, leadership development and goal setting.
• A willingness to share failures and personal experiences. Mentors need to share both their “How I did it right” and their “How I did it wrong” stories. Both experiences provide valuable opportunities for learning. They need to be authentic.
• A growth mindset and learning attitude – the best teachers have always been and always will be those who remain curious learners themselves. Would you rather be advised by someone whose mind is shut because they know it all or by someone whose mind is open because they are always looking to deepen her knowledge? Being a coach and mentor means you are a life long learner – always challenging themselves so they can be the best for their clients.
• Skills in developing others – they know how to bring out the best in you. This includes the very real skills of active listening, asking powerful open-ended questions, rapport building, self-reflection, providing feedback and being able to share stories that include personal anecdotes, case studies and examples, and honest insight.
• They keep you accountable, with agreed outcomes and goals. You know what you are aiming for and they guide you on that journey. They benchmark your progress and keep you on track.

Ingredient #2: How Do You Know That Coaching & Mentoring Are Right For You?

Just as there are specific characteristics of a successful coach and mentor, there are attributes and attitudes that show you are ready.

You need to be:

• 100% committed to expanding their capabilities and focused on achieving professional results. Even if you are uncertain or uncomfortable, being 100% committed is what it takes.
• Some people aren’t clear about what they want. Sometimes it’s simply overwhelming or there are fears holding you back. So a coach and mentor will work with you to get clarity around your professional and personal goals, needs, and wants. You must get clear on the outcomes so the coach and mentor can guide you there.
• Willing to ask for help, show vulnerability, and explore different paths and perspectives. This will take courage on your part. You must be open and receptive to learning and trying new ideas. No mentor wants to advise someone who isn’t open to learning!
• Able to seek and accept feedback—even the “constructive” kind—and act upon it. This is a life skill. Acknowledging your relationship with feedback and deciding if it’s where you want it to be is a key to your progress. Being able to receive feedback maturely means you will empower yourself to learn, adjust and keep going.
• Be personally responsible and accountable. You want to see movement and growth, even when it’s uncomfortable. If you say you are going to do something, then do it! Sitting on the side lines in a mentoring relationship is not going to work.
• Ready, willing, and able to meet on a regular basis. Relationships take time to develop, so you must also be committed to upholding their end of the bargain.

This means discussing and agreeing things like:

• Contact and response times: Who contacts whom? How? What are acceptable response times?
• Meetings: Where, when, and how often? Are you meeting in person? On the phone? Virtually?
• Confidentiality: What’s shareable and what isn’t?
• Focus: What are the parameters of the mentoring? What’s in and out of bounds?
• Feedback: What are the expectations around giving and receiving feedback?
• Goals and accountability: What would each party want from this experience? How does the mentee want the mentor to hold them accountable? How does the mentor want the mentee to hold them accountable?

Get To Know Each Other. A mentoring relationship is like any other relationship—it takes time to develop. And like other relationships, it will grow faster and stronger if both parties take the time to get to know each other as people. Resist the temptation to dive head first into career problem solving and advising. Build trust by learning about each other!

Set The Expectations and Agenda. Both parties need to be clear about the purpose and focus of the mentoring. Additionally, the mentor and mentee should articulate what they hope to get out of the experience. You need to take responsibility for the outcomes. It’s down to you to take action and be accountable to you.

Coaching and mentoring are one of the most important things a person can do to enhance their personal and professional lives. It takes time and commitment, but it is well worth the effort.

And remember, this is your journey. You will learn and grow from your coach and mentor. But your experiences leading up to this relationship are unique. So listen and learn, be guided, and always centre on yourself and think with your head. Understanding yourself is key. Your self-leadership.