Habits are automatic. We don’t think about them consciously. We just do them. Sometimes we wished we didn’t. And willpower doesn’t seem to be enough to stop the bad ones.

So, how do habits work and how can we change them if we want to?

Remember back to the TOTE model we discussed in the unit on strategies? Well, this is the same concept. There is a trigger, you operate a strategy, and you get the outcome. Only with habits, you don’t test the strategy. It simply happens without you thinking about it.

As we all know, once you do something long enough, you create a habit out of it. This may be getting out of bed and going to the gym each morning, or watching tv on the couch every night. These are habits.

It’s our actions each and every day that create our habits, regardless of whether you are aware of them or not.

Everything you have is a reflection of your unconscious habits.

Our brain is in control, not us.

So, in order to change our habits we need to change our brain-based unconscious habits – our unconscious programming.

In past units, we have discussed cognitive dissonance – the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. It’s relevant again here.

Is there a gap between who you want to be, the outcomes you want to create, the action you want to take, and you are actually being through your habits?

Again, it comes back to you – your internal world. Who are you being and who do you need to be to create the habits and take the action you want to achieve your goals?

So, how do we break our bad habits and create new ones in alignment with our lives?

Well as you learned previously, everything we do in life is a strategy.

And changing our strategies starts with awareness.

So, how do you run the strategy that creates the habit?

You wake up in the morning and have a coffee. But you actually want to create a new habit of drinking tea.

You get home from work and you have a craving for a glass of wine or chocolate – but that’s not in alignment with you want to be.

Your unconscious brain is being triggered by what you feel, see, smell, taste and hear. And you go into ‘automatic pilot”.

So understanding what the trigger is, means you can create a new strategy.

But of course it will be challenging. Your cravings and habits are strong – which is why will power alone won’t create the outcomes you want. The simple desire to change won’t be strong enough to overcome the power of our unconscious.

So, reprogramming our brain is what is required.

Habits are automatic. We don’t think about them consciously. We just do them. Sometimes we wished we didn’t. And willpower doesn’t seem to be enough to stop the bad ones.

So, how do habits work and how can we change them if we want to?

How do you replace bad habits?

I’ll use an example that is common amongst people I speak with.

Drinking alcohol. Somehow the habit of enjoying a few drinks on the weekend has snuck up to Thursdays and then Wednesdays, and suddenly they find themselves drinking alcohol the minute they walk in the door from work, and the story they tell themselves is that they need it to destress.

They are not consciously looking at the behaviour – they are simply reacting to the trigger of stress –  resulting the action of drinking – to get the reward of relaxation.

But then it becomes a habit and they don’t know how to change, so it’s easier to keep going – and “Everyone else does it, so why should I change? I don’t have a problem.”

But deep down, there is cognitive dissonance- it’s not in alignment with their values and who you want to be. How do you change?

1. Cue – you get home from work and you are stressed. What’s the cue? Is it getting home or being stressed? How are you managing your state before you get home? Are you aware of your state? What strategies do you need to implement to be the person you want to be when you get home?
2. Action – walk in the door and drink wine – you tell yourself you deserve it after the day you’ve had – but deep down you know you are masking the route cause of the stress.
3. You feel relaxed and happy – until you don’t.

There is choice involved here. You can choose a different path. Consciously.

What’s worked for me and my clients is to do a deep dive into what the habit gives you.

Then find something else that fills that need in a resourceful way.

Plan and be ready for the trigger. Don’t assume it will be easy. And don’t assume you won’t have setbacks. Because you will. But you’ve got to keep going.

Find something else to replace it with.

Go for a walk when you get home.

Manage yourself before you walk in the door.

Listen to music.

What hole will it leave and how do you fill it to get the same reward??

Rather than giving up something, what are you gaining?

Move towards your new state of being, not away from something.

And remember – if it was easy, or you could rely only on willpower, you would have done it already.

And you will have setbacks. Simply acknowledge the strategy you ran, what worked and what didn’t, reset and go again.

You’ve got this.

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