“Rapport is the ultimate tool for producing results with other people. No matter what you want in life, if you can develop rapport with the right people, you’ll be able to fill their needs, and they will be able to fill yours.“
– Tony Robbins
How do you build relationships?
With your neighbours, family, community, teams, your peers, your prospective clients?
Having rapport with someone is simply that ability to feel a connection, at ease, comfortable in their presence.
They feel familiar and safe and trusted.
And we all know the feeling of when someone is not in rapport – they grate us – we can’t connect – we don’t seem to speak the same language.
Rapport is defined as a “connection or relationship with someone. It can be considered as a state of harmonious understanding with another individual or group.
Building rapport is the process of developing that connection with someone.
It is achieving mutual trust and understanding between two or more people.
It leads to deep listening, meaningful conversations and fulfilling relationships where everyone involved benefits.”
Why Rapport Matters
Rapport is important because it helps us build relationships and connect with others. It enables us to connect on a personal level, builds emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills.
You are then able to engage with others on a human level, building an environment of loyalty and connection.
This is the same for both your personal and professional lives, from building rapport with your neighbours and communities, to your teams, clients, peers or customers.
Rapport building no matter what stage of life you are at is a key to collaboration and connection.
One of our core needs as a human is connection, and rapport building will help us meet this need.
Whether it’s sharing a laugh at work, a coffee after the school run, or building high performing teams as a leader, rapport building is a powerful tool to help you achieve connection with others.
So, How Do You Build Rapport?
Fundamentally, we are far more comfortable with people who are like us – share the same sense of humour or the same beliefs and values. Or they simply match your energy type – so it’s like putting on your favourite jumper. Nice and easy – not a stretch.
It’s when you need to connect and collaborate with someone that isn’t like you that is challenging. We can unconsciously simply ‘not like’ someone just because they are not like us.
So the key to building rapport is to match their communication style.
How Do You Know You Are In Rapport?
Calibration is one way of testing whether you are in rapport with someone. This is the art of tuning into the other person’s energy, movement, attitude, conversational pace, their eyes, lips, colour of their face and hands and their breathing. This applies to both your verbal and non-verbal communication. they will also feel good inside hence a slight colour change may occur. They may even start to match and mirror your movements.
And remember, that this is a subtle art – show respect. Do not mechanically copy gestures. You need to change gradually and subtly. Match some and not all of the gestures – only about 50-70%. As you develop this skill, you may find certain traits easier to match and mirror – posture, gestures, tonality and words.
Now you’ve built some level of rapport, how do you develop it further and then keep it?
Some simple strategies include:
1. Actively listen – give them your full attention.
2. Ask questions – it’s about them not you. Show you have been listening and are truly interested in them and their opinions.
3. Pay attention to your body language – don’t look at your watch, cross your arms or legs. Be consciously aware of how you are communicating non-verbally.
4. Don’t judge – they need to feel they are in a safe environment – whether you are with friends, family or your team. Encourage, be positive and ask permission to share advice.
How do you know you are in rapport?
1. You will notice colour change or flushing.
2. You will have a feeling inside.
3. Something will be said – “Do I know you from somewhere?”
4. When you move, the other person will follow you.
Bonus Content:
The Art of Active Listening
Listening isn’t as simple as hearing. It is the art of getting out of our own ways and leaving behind our judgements and perceptions. It is hearing what is actually being said – leaving our map of the world at the door.
By giving feedback, confirming understanding, asking questions and clarifying statements, you are reassuring the person that you are interested and paying attending. You make them feel safe.
Your Turn
Let’s do another exercise together, so please download the workbook and complete the exercises.
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